There were no winners and no losers in the park football game to celebrate the launch of Australia United, even though the record books say that my red team won and that I scored the winning penalty.

‘What record books?’ I hear you ask. ‘Surely the result was immaterial? You played on a patch of turf that had to be walked beforehand to remove traces of dog shit. You’re not seriously talking record books?’ Well this site is archived by the National Library of Australia, and I want it inked down in significant and boldish font:

I’ll leave it up to the discretion of the NLA as to whether they include my name as the only successful penalty scorer, or mention that John Safran, Santo Cilauro, Claudia Rowe, Rita Zammit and Dan Syson all missed.

Highlights of the game:

• Dan Syson’s exhilarating acceleration and long range wonderstrike that struck the $5 aluminium-work and clearly deserved better;  

• My dog Charlie’s enterprising first 5 minutes;

• The Big O’s terrible sweeping tackle on me that should have seen him sent home from the launch (unless he promised to buy two books);

• John Safran’s assist to Claudia Rowe for the green team’s first goal. A Race around the World Series One constructed goal.

• John Harms ability to get wide and stay wide. He is Giggs without chest hair.

It was a great evening that turned into a terrific night. Thank you to Santo Cilauro for launching the book and for sharing with us his momentous polygon experiences on the morning of the Stuttgart game. Sam Pang was again a hilarious MC — if you can’t get Michael Richards, get Sam Pang. And to Kat and Ali, thanks for the bar tab an  all your organisational efforts.

Age Article
Read The Age article about the book and the launch - "convert to the cause" here.