POSSIBLE TITLE - THE BEAUTIFUL BOARD GAME

In the aftermath of FIFA’s decision to grant the Oceania direct entry into the 2006 World Cup, one Sydney tabloid ran with the headline, ‘We’re Off to Soccer’s World Cup.’ Given qualifying games will be completed on November 20, 1995, there’s an argument to say that the headline has been written about 1060 days early. That we should wait until some of the stars of that tournament do such things as go through puberty before declaring that we have exorcised the demons that have haunted us since 1974.

Anyway, having made that cautious nod towards the fact that the Australian team still has to bother to pull on boots, turn up to games and fill out the sorts of forms Robert Dean had trouble with, it can nevertheless be said that WE ARE OFF TO SOCCER’S WORLD CUP. The Sydney tabloid is right. With two teams worth of European professionals from the top leagues of Europe, Greg Norman could be taking our penalties and we’d still get over New Zealand.

All Whites supporters might rail at that suggestion. They might argue that according to the most recent FIFA rankings, New Zealand at 49 is ranked higher than the Socceroos at 50 (the fact that Australia has barely played in 2002 surely contributes to that). They’d also note that although New Zealand’s best player, Danny Hay, only plays for Walsall in the English First Division (not in the Premier League) a team of champions doesn’t necessarily beat a champion team, especially if that team of champions is struck by a bout of food poisoning. They might even bring up the glorious Kiwi qualification of 1982. And so, in the interests of placating our trans-Tasman neighbours, I’ll revise my view. Either Australia or New Zealand is definitely off to Germany for the 2006 World Cup..

American Samoan supporters might rail at that suggestion. They’d argue .. .actually what would they argue? Their team is ranked 201st in the world. Part time Socceroo Archie Thompson knocked in 13 goals against them out of a team total of 31. By international standards, they’re awful. So are Tahiti (113th), Fiji (140th) and the Cook Islands (181st).

And that’s really the problem with the decision made in Madrid this week. If Harry Kewell and the like can waft a few goals into the nets of country’s which have a GDP that’s roughly the same as the Leeds United pay-roll, Australia will be gifted a place in the World Cup.

Places at the greatest of all sporting championships should not come so easily. In Korea/Japan 2002, European Championship semi-finalists The Netherlands missed out. So did Iran, Colombia, Norway and Yugoslavia. Even eventual champion Brazil only clinched qualification in the second last of the brutal 18 match South American qualifying series. As defending champions are no longer guaranteed a place, it is no exaggeration to say that the Socceroos are now more certain starters at Germany 2006 than Brazil. Indeed, the traditional powers of Europe and South America will find it even tougher to qualify next time, with each relinquishing ½ a place to the developing regions of CONCACAF and Oceania.

The argument that Oceania chief Basil Scarsella ran successfully in Madrid was that if there is to be an Oceania federation, it makes no sense if that federation does not have a spot at the World Cup. It’s an argument that makes some sense, but given the result is to effectively guarantee a position to a side that was patently inferior to Uruguay in the last campaign (a lucky penalty win at home, thrashed away – the Uruguayans went on to be lesser lights at Korea/Japan) and which rarely nudges its way into the top 32 in the world rankings, the question is whether there should be an Oceania Football Federation at all. The real mistake FIFA made was in 1998 when Oceania became a full member. Two countries that have soccer as their third footballing code grouped with the popgun sides of Polynesia do not make a federation . And whilst direct entry to the World Cup might improve things a little, half the federation has to find about 15 goals to become competitive. Oceania should be a sub-federation of Asia, with the winner and runner up competing in the main Asian round robin series.

In November of 1997, I saw the Iran game at the MCG, and for 2 minutes late in the second half, danced in the arms of a greengrocer I’d never met screaming ‘We’re going to the World Cup, We’re going to the World Cup!’ Fifteen minutes later we weren’t, and I vowed that if the Socceroos ever made it, I was going to be there. It’s a vow that took me back to the MCG last year, then to the Estadio Centenario in the heart of Montevideo, where the only consolation prize to losing was the joy of getting out alive.

I now know that I should also have flown to Madrid – cheering as FIFA boss Sepp Blatter thanked Scarsella for backing him during the bribery allegations that marred the FIFA election campaign, chanting as the glorious motions for direct entry were put forward, singing the anthem as the minutes were taken by the FIFA secretary, and crying for joy as the executive committee voted with a unanimous ‘aye.’ Who needs physical exertion. This is sport at its most powerful.